10 Things to Say to Help People With Chronic Pain

What Is Chronic Pain?

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Chronic pain is defined as pain that lasts longer than six months once the initial cause of the pain has been resolved. Chronic pain is often complex and difficult to resolve, as it is interwoven with many other aspects of someone’s holistic health. While acute pain happens as a response to damage occurring in a specific part of the body, and often there is a functional, healing aspect to this pain, chronic pain can have its aetiology in some kind of injury or disease but morph into something more complex, radiating and painful.

Many long-term health conditions also create chronic pain, rather than a specific event or injury. These include things like arthritis, fibromyalgia, or multiple sclerosis.

This can be due to changes in the nerves or nervous system that continue to fire and signal pain after the original cause has healed.

You can think of acute pain in terms of acute injury or event, such as a broken bone, a burn, an event requiring surgery, and things like that. Chronic pain can, however, refer to people who experience migraines, who have chronic hip, knee, or back pain because of a decade-old injury, or people who experience debilitating conditions such as endometriosis or arthritis.

1 in 5 Australians over 45 years old live with chronic pain, and this number of people experiencing chronic pain contributes to the burden of disease of Australia through loss of productivity by people experiencing chronic pain, the number of cases attending GPs each year, and skyrocketing levels of hospitalisations due to chronic pain.

What Causes Chronic Pain?

As detailed above, there are many causes of chronic pain that have their aetiology in injury or chronic illness.

Some forms of chronic pain may result from an injury or illness from years beforehand, resulting in things like chronic nerve pain, bone pain, or joint pain. Pain from major illnesses like cancer may also stick around. And sometimes, there are no apparent causes of chronic pain – this is especially the case in illnesses like fibromyalgia.

Living with Chronic Pain

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Living with chronic pain makes life far more difficult and complicated than someone living without. Chronic pain is persistent and pervasive across someone’s day and life. It interrupts activities of daily living like moving, exercising, working, and spending time doing things you enjoy. It can greatly limit mobility and impact on day-to-day functioning, which can then exacerbate other physical health issues and make the chronic pain worse. Making sure one takes care of their physical and mental health is important for relieving the symptoms of chronic pain but doing so is difficult if the pain acts as a barrier from getting these things in order.

Pain directly impacts one’s ability to take care of one’s own mental health, as well as impacting precipitants that cause mental health to deteriorate – like sleep, social connectedness, and exercise. Chronic pain often, by the very nature of the experience, lowers one’s mood and self-esteem. By chronic pain limiting the ability one has to improve their mental health, and directly lowering the feelings of the person experiencing it, chronic pain has overarching negative effects on one’s mental health. It’s important to note that mental health and chronic pain are linked – this is why if you are seeking chronic pain support from a specialist pain doctor or clinic, your treatment will often include mental health support. The better one’s mental health, the better the outcome and experience of chronic pain. However, an unwanted cycle of experiencing bad pain and experiencing bad mental health is often an inevitable part of experiencing chronic pain. It’s important to understand this link between our mind and body in order to be a supportive friend, partner, or colleague to someone experiencing chronic pain.

10 Things to Say to Help People with Chronic Pain 

It can be hard to know what to say to someone experiencing chronic pain – especially if you have no way to compare to how they are feeling, or the cause of the chronic pain seems immeasurable or inescapable. Generally being supportive, empathetic and available goes a long way – but we’ve compiled a list of handy communication tips to help you support the people you love who may be experiencing pain.

1. Ask how they feel

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Genuinely asking someone how they are feeling and taking an interest in their condition or state of being makes people feel special, validated and cared for.

2. Show your empathy and how much you care

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Holding space for someone means listening to them in a non-judgemental, open and welcoming way. By positioning yourself with open body language, maintaining eye contact, and allowing them to express their feelings, you are showing that you care about what they have to say.

3. Listen to them well

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Practice reflective listening by validating their feelings, reflecting back your understanding of what they have said, asking relevant questions, and thanking them for their openness.

4. Don’t make the situation about yourself

It can be easy to empathise with someone by relating their experience to an experience of your own – sometimes, it is our best attempt at explaining to them we understand the position they are in. However, this can make people feel as though you are not holding space for them and their pain, and instead making the situation about yourself.

5. Don’t assume or prognosticate

It’s easy to feel like offering advice and predicting when the person you love’s pain will subside would help ease their mind, but instead – it does the opposite. Assuming things about what will help someone’s pain or condition, or assuming what they have or haven’t tried, is extremely frustrating for someone who is experiencing chronic pain.

6. Don’t minimise their emotions

Definitely avoid saying things like, ‘it can’t be that bad’, ‘it’s all in your head’, or indicating that some quick fixes for someone’s mood will alleviate all their psychological pain. Chronic pain comes with a huge emotional burden – this must be kept in consideration when supporting someone you love experiencing chronic pain.

7. Don’t compare their pain to anyone else’s

For people who are experiencing chronic pain or chronic health conditions, it can be extremely frustrating for the person they are confiding in to compare it to someone else’s experience or pain – and then be told that this person had cured their pain or ailment through x/y/z! This can make someone feel like they haven’t been ‘trying hard enough’ to alleviate their symptoms of pain. It’s better to assume they’ve tried everything!

8. Acknowledge you don’t know what to say

It’s often while facing life’s most uncertain challenges that people struggle to reach for words that will be helpful, considerate, and compassionate. It’s okay to acknowledge that you don’t know what to say, or that you have no kind of experience or words to offer up as a source of comfort. They will appreciate your honesty and commitment to helping them feel better nonetheless.

9. Offer concrete support

Sometimes, letting someone know they can call you if they need anything is not enough – many people will feel self-conscious about reaching out for help, or like they are burdening you with the requests. Instead, offer support in concrete terms, and in ways they receive the help no matter what – offering things like, “I can cook you dinner on Wednesday, or would you prefer me to just drop off groceries?” means that they are more likely to accept the help and support.

10. Keep them company

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Often, the simplest kind of support can be non-verbal. Setting aside quality time to spend with your loved one experiencing chronic pain, without addressing the issue or the pain, is super valuable. Take some time to think about some low-key activities your loved one would value and bring these over with your next visit.

How Homage Can Help 

Homage has a team of professional, experienced, well-trained support workers and nurses that can help you with an array of things in and around the home. You may qualify for NDIS or aged care funding for your chronic pain, depending on the reason or aetiology of your chronic pain. You can use this to access care via homage, or you can also pay privately if you wish. It can be hard to live independently at home if you are experiencing chronic pain, and it can be even harder to get out and about doing the things you love with chronic pain, too.

You can access help via Homage for things at home such as attending to personal care, completing at-home physio exercises, having assistance with cleaning, meal preparation, or gardening, or assistance from our trained nurses with more complex medical needs. You can also utilise support workers from homage for emotional or psychosocial support at home if you’re experiencing a bad flare up of ill health.

Homage support workers can also help with transport to access the medical care you need for your pain or illness or accompany you to complete tasks or participate in hobbies outside the home if you may need an extra pair of hands while you’re out and about.

You can speak with one of our specialist care managers today to speak about your needs and goals and start the process of creating a committed and specialised team today – all on your own terms.